But, I’d like to suggest still another, perhaps far more important New Year’s resolution: kindness.  Since many of the resolutions that spring fourth from the modern American mind deal with work-related issues, consider this … As one wise, godly HR director once shared: tell your sons and daughters that when a person works hours like the traditional 9 to 5—or some other expected combination of hourly tasks—getting to know your co-workers will be inevitable.   And, what we know about them, warts and all, and what we do with what we know about them will ultimately tell God and others what kind of person we really are … deep inside.

Our children need to be instructed that there are basically two ways to use knowledge, destructively or constructively.  You see, when you or I step into the “Confessional” we are in a most unique and sacred environment; one where the knowledge that is gleaned by the priest about our sins—our darkest, most shameful secrets—is confessed for the one purpose of constructively rebuilding that person’s broken relationship with God.  We call this act of kindness “reconciliation”.

On the other hand, Satan—who we are told in the Scriptures, “is the accuser of the brethren” (see Revelation 12:10)—uses knowledge gleaned about an individual’s shortcomings (usually through gossip) destructively; in the hopes of irreparably damaging them for life.  See the difference?  Certainly, in this New Year we must teach our children to be kind observers of their friends and co-workers.  After all, they stand in a very privileged place to be able to see both strengths and weaknesses on a daily basis.  What they do with what they observe will tell God and others whether they stand with the Devil or the Savior of all lost souls.

Again, we should look to Jesus as the ultimate example.

“The Teachers of the Law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They were using this question as a trap in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with His finger. When they kept on questioning Him He straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her’” (John 8:3-8).

*This article–written by The Rev Dr Michael O’Donnell–first appeared in the January 20th, 2012 edition of The Colorado Catholic Herald.

Now, I’m not saying that we should have a quiet time this Advent term just to impress our sons and daughters or with the hope that someone will discover us on our knees before God. But to expect our children to have an Advent devotional life when we don’t is ludicrous. As in other areas, modeling the right behavior gives our words their “certificate of authenticity.”

There is nothing like a personal demonstration by Dad. And you’re “it.” In Andrew Murray’s book, “How to Raise Your Children for Christ,” he simply says: “Not in what we say and teach, but in what we are and do, lies the power of training. Not as we think of an ideal for training our children, but as we live do we train them. It is not our wishes or our theory, but our will and our practice that really train. It is by living the Christ-life that we prove that we love it, that we have it; and thus will influence the young mind to love it and to have it, too” (Minneapolis, Minn.: Bethany House, 1975, p. 12).

You can have incredible spiritual influence on your children by setting aside about a half hour each morning for a quiet time during this period of Advent. Have available a Catholic Bible, notebook and prayer list. The whole idea here is to start each day of Advent focused on Christ, as one of His disciples. By keeping this daily appointment with God you demonstrate your commitment to do his will over your own. This will be a wordless sermon to your son and daughter about your dependency on Christ and your desire to trust in him throughout Advent.

During your quiet time, allow God to speak to you through His word. Remember 2 Timothy 3:16-17: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” Let all four areas — teaching, rebuking, correcting and training — become regular key points of Holy Spirit-led introspection and self-examination as Advent continues to unfold.

Remind yourself that your appointment is with God, not just to study the Bible or to be able to say, “I had my daily devotional time during Advent.” Therefore use the Bible as a tool to encounter Christ and to better understand the wonder of his birth on Christmas day.

(*This article is adapted from Dr. O’Donnell’s new book, “What a Son Needs from His Dad” published by Bethany House/Baker Publishers.)

This book offers a clear, readable overview of all the knowledge and skills those training as marriage and family therapists and counselors need to pass final degree program, certification or licensing examinations.
—Family Therapy

Family Therapy Review: Preparing for Comprehensive and Licensing Examinations provides the reader with a complete, current, and comprehensive text referencing and integrating the necessary competencies required to pass the licensing exam….a text that offers a wealth of practical guidance on the latest research and mandated national standards according to the Commission on Accreditation for Marriage and Family Therapy Education. Family Therapy Review is an effectively organized and serious text that meets it objectives. It is a fundamentally important document to ensure that future licensed marriage and family therapists have the necessary resources to prepare and demonstrate their expertise.

—PsycCRITIQUES

http://blog.beliefnet.com/castingstones/author/modonnell/

The fact that the apostles came to Jesus and asked, “Teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1) tells us that Christ’s prayers were different than their prayers. They had heard His prayers. And they knew that to be often alone with God was His secret to a powerful devotional life. No doubt they wanted the same devotion to characterize their lives, and their only hope was to learn to pray like Jesus prayed. The same will be true of our sons and daughters.

If they see us praying—making the same connection the apostles did—our sons and daughters may also ask, “Mom and Dad, teach us to pray.” To help you when the time comes, let’s consider the “model prayer” given by Jesus to His friends.

One powerful tool is to personalize the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) adapting it to individual needs. This is an invaluable thing to pass on to our sons and daughters, and it looks like this: My Father, who has shown me fatherly love through __________________________.  You have shown my need to be reverent through __________________________.  You have revealed Your holiness to me by______________________. I became a member of your kingdom on (Baptismal date)___________________and am ministering in (parish)______________to work for the coming of Your kingdom. I need Your will to be done in _______________ and commit myself to doing what You reveal Your will to be. My basic needs today are ________________________. I trust You to supply them, and I will not waste my energy worrying about them. I have forgiven _________________ and want to forgive anyone who has wronged me.  I  _______________________ ,________________, and ___________________.  I know Satan’s power is luring me to do what is wrong.  I trust Your much stronger power to lead me away from temptation, and so I commit myself now to follow Your leadership.^[1]

Parents, let’s not forget the words of Christ in Matthew 21:13: “My house will be called a house of prayer.” Here Jesus is referring to the temple, but our bodies are Christ’s “home” on earth. And prayer reminds us that we are not our own, because we were bought with a price. Teaching our sons and daughters to pray will enable them to, likewise, drive out all that distracts them from honoring God with their bodies (see 1 Corinthians 6:20).

Here are some excellent resources on prayer for you and your son and daughter to read: 1. Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray (Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1988); 2. E. M. Bounds, Power Through Prayer (Chicago: Moody Press, 1979); 3.  Jack Hayford, Prayer Is Invading the Impossible (Plainfield, N.J.: Logos, 1977); 4. Wesley Duewel, Mighty Prevailing Prayer (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1990).

(This article is adopted from The Rev. Dr. O’Donnell’s new book coming out this October, What a Son Needs from His Dad, by Bethany House/Baker Books; and was recently published as an article in the August 2011 issue of The Colorado Catholic Herald.)

Apparently this lack of confidence was a serious obstacle for him (2 Timothy 1:7). So much so that Paul had to write to Timothy in an earlier letter, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young . . .” (1 Timothy 4:12). Timothy was probably in his mid-30s or younger, and in that day, such an influential position was not usually held by a man so young and so obviously lacking in confidence. Perhaps for this reason, the older men were questioning his authority.

Timothy was a man who received his religious instruction and knowledge of God through his maternal lineage: his grandmother, Lois, and his mother, Eunice (2 Timothy 1:5). From childhood he had been taught the Old Testament. But because his father was a Greek and not a Jew, Timothy would not have been equipped to know much about manhood in a Jewish community.

Even Paul anticipated this liability and circumcised him (Acts 16:3). Later, Paul ordained Timothy by laying hands on him (2 Timothy 1:6). He also had the presbyters or priests at Ephesus lay their hands on him (1 Timothy 4:14). These three acts—circumcision, ordination, and laying on of hands by the elders—are a kind of “rite of passage” for Timothy. We have no clue as to whether he had otherwise been instructed on the virtues, responsibilities and expectations of manhood. Maybe a lack of preparation by his father caused Timothy to be insecure in his role as a leader. Could this be why Paul “adopted” Timothy as his “spiritual son”, becoming his surrogate father and mentor in the faith? (1 Timothy 1:2, 18; 2 Timothy 1:2; 2:1).

Paul’s instructions to Timothy often sound like a father’s instruction to his son—to enable him, to empower him, and to pass on the mantle of manhood. This becomes more obvious in 2 Timothy 2:22, when Paul tells him: “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul uses somewhat similar language, as we have already seen, to talk about young faith versus mature faith: “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

By adopting Timothy as his son, instructing him, and providing him a “rite of passage” before presenting him to the world, Paul called him to manhood—to accept the full measure of his uniqueness as a man, something Timothy’s grandmother and mother, for all their good intentions, apparently could not do. Hopefully, my point is clear that we as parents—fathers to sons and mothers to daughters—can do for our children those rituals and ceremonies that tell them who they are in YOUR eyes—as capable woman or equally as adept men. By doing this now, adult children will evade the possible effects of the classic father or mother wound and cast out of their lives “a spirit of timidity”!

*(This article is adopted from Dr. O’Donnell’s new book coming out this October, What a Son Needs from His Dad by Bethany/Baker House Publishers.)

Case Study by Kellie M Fechner, Woodcrest State College

Abstract:
While presented with more opportunities than ever before, today’s young people are at greater risk of being left behind: disconnected, overwhelmed and depressed. As an educational community, we have followed the research trend over the last twenty years and moved away from the deficit model of risk towards a more positive focus on resilience. The next step in our collective journey is to take what we have learned about resilient, successful adolescents, those who thrive despite their circumstances, and apply it to the system at large, in order to ensure improved educational and life opportunities for all our students. Only then, can we help them reconnect with what matters most: their communities, their schools, their families and, above all, themselves.

In a school where socio-economic diversity and disadvantage predominate, one class of year nine students took up the challenge of unlocking the secrets to their success. Working with a class made up, not of the gifted and talented, but of the capable, their teacher uncovered the characteristics and skills that contributed to their resilience and, in doing so, opened the door into the mind and world of the adolescent. The students’ stories are eye-opening, honest and powerful, revealing a series of fascinating paradoxes regarding the ever-present threat of despair and its influence on teenage values, hopes and dreams, and proving that, all too often, we underestimate the strength, wisdom and life experience of the young people in our classrooms.

Here’s a link to access the entire article, with references:  http://www.aare.edu.au/09pap/fec091248.pdf

NebGuide researched and written by John DeFrain, Ph.D., Extension Specialist, Family and Community Development; Dianne Swanson, Extension Educator; Jeanette Friesen, Extension Educator; Gail Brand, Extension Educator

The family strengths perspective is a world-view or orientation toward life and families, grounded in research with more than 24,000 family members in 35 countries around the world. It is basically a positive, optimistic orientation. It does not ignore family problems but relegates problems to their proper place in life: as vehicles for testing our capacities as families and reaffirming our connection with each other.

Over the past four decades, researchers at the University of Nebraska–Lincoln, the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa and affiliated institutions in the United States and around the world have studied families from a strengths perspective. A number of propositions can be derived from this work:

• Families, in all their remarkable diversity, are the basic foundation of all human cultures. Strong families are critical to the development of strong communities, and strong communities promote and nurture strong families.
• All families have strengths. And, all families have challenges and areas of potential growth. If one looks only for problems in a family, one will see only problems. If one also looks for strengths, one will find strengths.
• It’s not about structure, it’s about function. When talking about families, it is common to make the mistake of focusing on external family structure or type of family rather than internal family functioning. There are strong single-parent families, strong step-families, strong nuclear families, strong extended families, strong families with gay and lesbian members, and strong two-parent families. For every family structure in the world, there are countless representative strong families. Likewise, every type of family structure in the world also has many families that are not functioning well. Simply knowing what type of family one lives in really does not tell one anything about the strength of the family.
• It’s not about race or ethnicity, either. There are strong black families, strong white families, strong American families, strong Afghani families. Every ethnic or cultural group has strong families. And, every ethnic or cultural group has families that are not doing well. One knows nothing about the quality of a family simply by knowing the group to which it belongs.
• Strong marriages are the center of many strong families. The couple relationship is an important source of strength in many families with children who are doing well. Parents — both fathers and mothers — cannot afford to neglect their relationship with each other, and it is important to find ways to nurture a positive couple relationship for the good of everyone in the family.
• Strong families tend to produce great kids; and a good place to look for great kids is in strong families (Stinnett & O’Donnell, 1996).
• If you grew up in a strong family, it will probably be easier for you to create a strong family of your own as an adult. But, it’s also quite possible to do so if you weren’t so lucky and grew up in a seriously troubled family (Skogrand, DeFrain, DeFrain & Jones, 2007).
• The relationship between money and family strengths is shaky, at best. Once a family has adequate financial resources — and adequate is a slippery and subjective word to define — the relentless quest for more and more money is not likely to increase the family’s quality of life, happiness together, or the strength of their relationships with each other. Rampant materialism in Western culture can be a dead end, for as our couples and families over the years have told us clearly, “The best things in life are not things.”
• Strengths develop over time. When couples start out in life together, they sometimes have considerable difficulty adjusting to each other, and these difficulties are quite predictable. Adjusting to each other is not an easy task. Many couples who start out unstable end up creating a healthy, happy family.
• Strengths are often developed in response to challenges. A couple and family’s strengths are tested by life’s everyday stressors and also by the significant crises that all of us face sooner or later. For many couples and families, it takes several years before they believe they have become a strong family, and they know this because they have been tested over time and tested by fire by the significant challenging events that life inevitably brings.
• Crises can tear families apart. Crises also can make family relationships stronger. Families in crisis sometimes forget about the strengths they have and need to remind themselves.
• A family’s strengths are the foundation for positive growth and change in the future. Families become stronger by capitalizing on their strengths.
• Most families in the world have considerable strength. Human beings wouldn’t have lasted across countless generations without these qualities. There are many more strong families in the world than families that are deeply troubled. As a global human community, we cannot afford to forget this.
• Families are about emotion. Strong emotion. If family strengths could be reduced to one single quality, it would be a positive emotional connection and sense of belonging with each other. When this emotional bond is present, the family can endure almost any hardship.

Human beings have the right and responsibility to feel safe, comfortable, happy, and loved. Strong families are where this all happens.

References

DeFrain, J., (2007). Family treasures: Creating strong families. New York, Lincoln, NE, Shanghai: iUniverse/University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension.

Skogrand, L., DeFrain, N., DeFrain, J. & Jones, J.E. (2007). Surviving and Transcending a Traumatic Childhood: The Dark Thread. New York & London: Hayworth Press/Taylor & Francis.

Stinnett, N. & O’Donnell, M. (1996). Good Kids. New York: Doubleday.